math class has been a total snooze but I’ve actually learned somethings this year. I am super proud becus my teacher doesn’t go easy but she sure does explain well in child terms. she fucks up a lot and it makes me feel more comfortable so I can ask questions and understand things for once.
THERE IS ALSO THIS GIRL IN MY CLASS THAT IS THE EPITOMY OF PERFECTION. she has big boobs and a big butt, a really cute face, long hair and a slim waist. when I met her I was sooo scared she’d be another one of those fake nice girls who are super rude but pretend to be really nice just for the image. BUT SHE ISN’T. she talks to people, really talks to people. She’s in honors chem. and is majoring to be a doctor. her voice is sweet and soft and she always says please and thank you. when I was struggling, I didn’t even ask and she came over to me and asked if she could stay and help me learn before she left and when she was helping me she’d review the same part 3 times if I didn’t get it. if I understood she’d get really happy and say “good! good!” we’re doing great together. and the thing is, we didn’t even talk. like we weren’t even associated with EACHOTHER. too nice man. plus plus, she’s really chill and cool but at the same times she’s dorky and really into Harry Potter LOL. idk she made me happy but it’s the end or the year and we’ve only spoken 3 times.
I am very happy to have made a friend. yes, singular. yes, only one. LOL I am SOO thankful I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN. I was so worried he’d decided not to hang out with me anymore but he stuck around and walked me to class and always entertained me with stupid little things. insulting me so I wouldn’t get too cocky and cheering me up with praises when he went too far with his insults. I’m glad he chose to be my friend even though my brains aren’t close to his and a lot of the times he’d hurry to finish his work and come to DAC to help me study and figure out math or chemistry problems. I am also really glad that he would always be asking if I needed food and how he’d ask me if I was okay that day. lol now I am upset because I wanna transfer but I feel like I’m not a likable person and I have no friends and the 4 friends I have are all in NY.
Also, he has been studying with his friends lately and I feel really bad because I distract all of them and I feel like they secretly hate me and want him to tell me to leave. LOL or maybe I’m exaggerating, I’ve only met them once.
I’ve fucked up myself up. not like all the other kids who mess with drinks and drugs.
nope. my sort of messed up is one that doesn’t even have an interesting story behind it.
I feel like letting people in when I’m hurt is horrible. they’re bandages that cover your wounds and prevent you from healing on your own. once they leave, your wounds are open once again and they can only be closed over time on their own, on your own.
LOOL I just realized how easy it would be to say goodbye to everyone if I wanted to kill myself, ya’know, cus I’m so unpopular.
am I an asshole?
there’s a guy who keeps hitting me up but I don’t want to be friends with him. it’s complicated but inside I feel like people only talk to get with someone or user them to distract them from themselves.
what happened to just talking for fun and enjoying someone else words and just conversating?
FUCK. I shouldnt be thinking about sad things at night. I should be worrying about my future like everyone else. I’m really screwed and I don’t even think God could help me (if he actually existed)